Quotable

"The loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly."   -The Great Gatsby

"I still think that the greatest suffering is being lonely, feeling unloved, just having no one.  That is the worst disease any human being can ever experience."   - Mother Teresa

"Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty."   -Mother Teresa

Feel Your Pain

     I know I can't be the only one.  While I have no real way of proving it, I'm pretty sure that you're all full of shit...at least a little bit.  Scrolling through my newsfeed on Facebook, I see all these shiny happy people proudly displaying proud moments and positive thoughts, and I can't help but wonder why it's the norm to pretend like everything is wonderful all the time.  At the risk of being labeled a Negative Nancy, I'm calling all of you out.  Admit it...the life you display through social media and even in relationships with most people, is all a crock of shit.  This carefully edited version of who we all are isn't who we are at all.  If you truly are Mary Sunshine and find yourself walking on rainbows every day of your life...consider yourself lucky to be the exception to the rule.  If you, like me, are a normal person who's ups also come with downs, then why isolate yourself by keeping all your problems locked away in your heart?  
     I know how it feels to be alone.  Alone, like actually alone, isn't a great place to be, but the worst kind of loneliness is the product of being surrounded by people who have no idea what's really going on with you.  We're all so wrapped up pretending to be happy that we forget to care about what is  

     Isolation...this feeling doesn't come from being completely alone, rather it is multiplied by the number of people surrounding you

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all.  People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit.  Love hurts, feelings are disturbing.  People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous.  How can they deal with love if they're afraid to fee?Pain is meant to wake us up.  People try to hide their pain, but they're wrong.  Pain is something to carry.  You feel strength in the experience of pain.  That's how you carry it.  That's what matters.  Pain is a feeling.  Your feelings are a part of you.  Your own reality.  If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality.  You should stand up for yourself and your right to feel your pain.

People think being alone makes you feel lonely, but I don't think that's true.  Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.  I guess you never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only option.

Think Now

I think I'm alone now.

There doesn't seem to be anybody around to hear me cry.  

Of course I was taken by surprise,

The truth is "I love you" lies

Don't know what to believe in anymore.  

Real life losing game of war,

Of course you'd start winning against me now.  

Hindsight seeing it, just wanna know how you could do this to me?

Don't act all hurt until I leave,

I'm sure you'll breathe a sigh of relief when you can go back to just sleeping and work.  

That shitty life comes with some perks,

But who will make sure your laundry a done?

Made me a loser again, I've never won.

Think it's Over now but I can't move on.  

Beside Myself

It’s just another day alone.

Another night sitting at home,

Holding my phone, but it’s only good for games…

And finding out when the weather will change.

Nobody cares to call.

The only reason I have anyone at all is because they feel sorry for me. 

Wish my mind would set me free,

Wish I could free my mind.

Falling behind in every way there is.

The only reason I put up with all this shit,

Is to do right by these two little kids,

Who love their Mommy probably more than she deserves.

If it weren’t for them I’d never be seen or heard,

Prolonged bouts of silence make me doubt what goes on in my head.

Don’t even want to go to bed,

Siezing up from toe to head,

Gasping drenched in sweat and tears,

Crying out for no one to hear

SAVE ME FROM MYSELF!

You’re abandoning the girl who has NO ONE ELSE!

To go out with the guy who lives across your hall. 

Why the hell do you pretend to care at all?

Better yet, why not invite me along?

Haven’t left the house enough lately to know the world still exists.

Forgotten all the things that I missed.

I miss you, Tell you I need you…

Just to get dissed,

And I let you do it perpetually.

Even I’m abusing me.

Just Can't Win

Don't smile at me that way.
Don't pretend to be my friend.
With too many wounds to mend,
I walk away, encumbered by my shame.
It will never feel the same.
So much hate, though love remains,
We are both forever changed.
So many reasons to hate you,
So don't think that I don't.
Don't move in too close,
Don't press your lips to mine.
I hate you, and love you,
All at the same time.
Let ya know if I ever make up my mind.
You're gonna miss me,
In your own time,
And I'll have to say it's too late then.
One day, you act like my best friend,
Just to become someone I don't know again.
Like it or not, I"m sure I'll be just fine.

Because I hate you,
Because I can't escape you,
CAN'T WAIT TO MEET THE GUY TO NEGATE YOU,
I'll laugh about it then.
For now I feel stupid because I hate my best friend,
Wasting my breathe,
Because I just can't win.

Nobody

I wish I could hate you like I should.

For me, knowing you, didnt do any good.

Even more alone this time around.

So high up, so fast fell down,

And you escape unscathed.

I have so much love and rage,

I cannot sleep for days and days,

Deciding which way I feel.

The effect on me has been all too real,

Losing marbles a few at a time.

I hope that when I lose my mind,

I'll finally get some peace.

Imagining I'm somewhere Southeast,

Without you showing up everywhere.  

Why does NOBODY care?

The Real Shit

This is where shit gets too real.
When i am sitting here knowing how completely alone I am.
It's not for show....there's no one to see.
No one to care...not even me.
So why am I still here?
A burden, begging for a friend, Love me, care,
make me matter, be there
Without me forcing your hand.
Broken now, too weak to stand.
Crying out in vain.
What do I do with all this PAIN?