Monday, July 8, 2013

Homesick

Like too small a ship
In a too stormy sea
Feeling so small
Knowing I have only me.
Looking to the stars 
For familiarity.  
But they look different from here.
A distant memory having family
And friends near,
So now I make my own.  
All the drama I've outgrown
Seems to have left me estranged.
With two beautiful daughters 
I shouldn't  complain.  
Thankful for all the love I have found.
Its just that without more family around,
There's no pick me up,
When I fall down.
So I'm terrified of failing at all.
If I'm sick there's nobody to call 
To come stand in.
Not to mention how much I miss them,
If i think on it too long,
I will realize how long I've been gone.
Get homesick and cry.
Wishing to look up at a Southern Sky,
Not much to go back to,
I'm not gonna lie.
But I can't wait to go back anyway.
Knowing that I will always live so far away,
Is hard pill to swallow.
Can't take them away from everything they know,
This place has always been there home,
And I'm sure to adjust eventually. 
Make my family unconventionally,
A support system sure would give me some security.
But I still hold onto a fear,
That I will never be at home here. 

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Bricks

Banging my head the same way
Against the same bricks
Each one, myself laid
Fortress self-made
Walls sky high.
Promises held in place by lies
Unsure how to tear it down,
So sadness surrounds.
Silence so incredibly loud,
Of the likes I've heard before.
Talk just to be ignored,
Brick by brick the barriers go up.
I've dealt with this long enough.

Monday, July 1, 2013

House Life


I'm pretty sure I'm dying inside 
All the days of self sacrifice 
All the nights I've laid in bed and cried
Outnumbered still by those spent unable to summon the strength for tears.  
My greatest fear is that I won''t be happy.
Someday, whenever that might be…
Find a day when I love my life.
The best mother and the best wife 
Is all I ever wanted to be.
And yet I sit here miserably because I can't keep up.
When I'm at the bottom but don't know which way is up from here.
Looks like the laundry hasn''t been done in a year,
Even though Im constantly at it.
You'd think I was a laundry addict,
Because its never enough.
No amount of effort is good enough.
There's always more work to be done.
I hope one day I will have a son,
And teach him to help around the house.
Hopefully he'll prove men can do more than sit on the couch 
And earn a paycheck
Thinking thats the only thing that counts.
What's the point of all my effort if I don't get an ounce
of respect for what I do?
Work 10 times harder than some people do,
For far less pay.
What am I worth if I fail every day?