Every Day Sky- July 25, 2013

Every Day Sky- July 11, 2013

Homesick

Like too small a ship

In a too stormy sea

Feeling so small

Knowing I have only me.

Looking to the stars 

For familiarity.  

But they look different from here.

A distant memory having family

And friends near,

So now I make my own.  

All the drama I've outgrown

Seems to have left me estranged.

With two beautiful daughters 

I shouldn't  complain.  

Thankful for all the love I have found.

Its just that without more family around,

There's no pick me up,

When I fall down.

So I'm terrified of failing at all.

If I'm sick there's nobody to call 

To come stand in.

Not to mention how much I miss them,

If i think on it too long,

I will realize how long I've been gone.

Get homesick and cry.

Wishing to look up at a Southern Sky,

Not much to go back to,

I'm not gonna lie.

But I can't wait to go back anyway.

Knowing that I will always live so far away,

Is hard pill to swallow.

Can't take them away from everything they know,

This place has always been there home,

And I'm sure to adjust eventually. 

Make my family unconventionally,

A support system sure would give me some security.

But I still hold onto a fear,

That I will never be at home here. 

Bricks

Banging my head the same way
Against the same bricks
Each one, myself laid
Fortress self-made
Walls sky high.
Promises held in place by lies
Unsure how to tear it down,
So sadness surrounds.
Silence so incredibly loud,
Of the likes I've heard before.
Talk just to be ignored,
Brick by brick the barriers go up.
I've dealt with this long enough.

House Life

I'm pretty sure I'm dying inside 
All the days of self sacrifice 
All the nights I've laid in bed and cried
Outnumbered still by those spent unable to summon the strength for tears.  
My greatest fear is that I won''t be happy.
Someday, whenever that might be…
Find a day when I love my life.
The best mother and the best wife 
Is all I ever wanted to be.
And yet I sit here miserably because I can't keep up.
When I'm at the bottom but don't know which way is up from here.
Looks like the laundry hasn''t been done in a year,
Even though Im constantly at it.
You'd think I was a laundry addict,
Because its never enough.
No amount of effort is good enough.
There's always more work to be done.
I hope one day I will have a son,
And teach him to help around the house.
Hopefully he'll prove men can do more than sit on the couch 
And earn a paycheck
Thinking thats the only thing that counts.
What's the point of all my effort if I don't get an ounce
of respect for what I do?
Work 10 times harder than some people do,
For far less pay.
What am I worth if I fail every day?

Brother

Sometimes it hurts too much

Sometimes I have to say enough is enough

And at least speak my peace.

But I can't find any now,

And I don't sleep or sleep easy anyway.

If that kid ever were to decide one day

That all this bullshit pulled and pushed him too long now.

He'd have in his pocket,

The easy way out,

Then death could find him unannounced,

And that scares the shit outta me.

He's one if the people I don't wanna be

On Earth without.  

And whether or not he's strong enough to put that shit down

Is not for me to say or speculate,

It's not that I doubt his strength

But stronger have tried and failed effortlessly.  

With every breathe try to make him believe that it's really that bad.

I'm sure the shrink's finger will point Mom and Dad,

But it's not just them to blame.

I wonder if things will ever be the same

As they used to be.

Want him to be happy and free

From the spell that's got him wound up so tight. 

Get some perspective, 

Right now he's not seeing right,

Clear all this mess up,

Saying this outta love,

But if I have to I'll fight.  

Drugs have taken enough from me,

Subject matter far from light.

From darkness into night.  

Motherhood Full Circle

Perspective changes as the full circle comes round

Two pair of little eyes looking up at me now

I remember the time when a little plus sign spun my whole world around

And the whirlwind hasn't stopped yet

As a mother I've barely gotten my feet wet

And yet I've gained wisdom in mass amounts

My ability to see what really counts 

Comes from people who aren't who they're going to be yet

From day to day who knows what to expect

Sometimes even Mothers feel hopeless and cry

But then a little girl shows up by my side 

And the other one is never far behind

It seems they know just what I need

Not worth much to anybody but me

Four little arms hug tight at my knees

And to think... I'm the one who taught them how to love

And they love me even at my worst

I got to be the one to hold them first,

They have control of my heart.

Try to remember that when I start

To let my patience slip.  

Motherhood is such an incredible gift,

Even if nobody brings me breakfast in bed.  

One day they'll be saying all the things ie said,

Then they'll cringe at the reality of what's going on.

The legacy of a young flustered Mom,

Who learned a lot of what not to do wrong from her own,

But for all ive whined, complained and moaned,

I'm sure others have had it worse.

Fact of the matter, she's the one who loved me first 

That example is engrained somewhere in me.  

With out her I simply wouldn't be,

So I mention her name when I pray.  

All that I am, these little girls, all that I say,

Owed to the imperfect love like no other,

In a lot of ways I'm just like my Mother,

And I should thank her every time I act just like her and cringe.

Around the world and back again,

A mothers love goes on and on.

Happy Mothers Day, Love You Mom.