Burden

A thousand miles and back again

Still can't escape you,

Just can't win 

The space between us serves us purposely.

Where do I go to escape my heart?

Started over again but you're still a part of my song.

The one that I've left to sing when I forget the rest.

But this way it's for the best.

Product of a crazy mother's madness 

And a father's disregard

No wonder I find it hard

To find a normal way to be.

What's in front of me will be different.

I won't fail her, as you did with me.

Won't rob a little girl of time to be.

Six years old, can't make you happy

But I'll try.

Brush your hair and wonder why Mommy always cries.

Little girl keeps house when she should play,

While Mommy sleeps the day away

And a baby cries alone.  

In the absence of her mother,

She feeds her baby brother,

and tends to all their needs.

Too much seen,

Too young not to dream

But it's going going gone.

Handle It

So angry most days.

Fly off the handle,

These fits of rage

Leave me feeling guilty.

Overreacting, lashing out

At toddlers and it kills me to know

It's not their fault but mine.

Nothing about this is fine...

Don't ask advice from me today.

I've known nothing but heartache.

So totally restless.

Walking circles around the apartment

Just staring at the mess.

Blinded by the forest,

I can't even see the trees.

With no one left to turn to

I fall to my knees and pray

To find some help along the way

It's all I can do to force a smile each day.

Put myself in a world of hurt and heartache.

Don't know how much more I can take.

Life's a bitch, at that ruthless one.

And I'm supposed to handle this all on my own.

Stranger

Blank canvas, Stare at the wall

Your mind is elsewhere, and down the hall

There's a room that I now share with a stranger.

In the air lurks imminent danger,

crazy too close by.

I didn't take you for the kind to lose it,

Although I know you didn't choose it

You're the reason why I'm so angry all the time.

It's not easy and it's not fair.

The person you were when we met isn't there.

I don't know the answer,

Just like most these days.

Can't cry in front of you, 

shedding tears in the rain,

Please calm this storm in me.

And return you to sanity 

Before I lose mine.

It's a thin line,

And I'm getting close to it.

In the end I hope I've got something to show for it,

All this hopelessness aside.

What I Have To Say

You say that I'm a pessimist,

And I would probably agree.

Tried to make the best of it,

But it stole the best of me.

The doubt was always there inside,

It grew from just a tiny seed.

Now there's nowhere left to hide

From these demons following me.

The reason for what I've become

The path I've walked that lead me here

For all the things I've said and done

To show for it I've only tears.

Afraid to take a set forward

Just to take two back to a negative one

I come undone,

And envy those kinds of hopefully naive,

Promise Sparkling in their eyes.

Til naive meets its demise

And their world crashes down,

all thanks to deceit and lies.

Haven't ever felt normal

Although I've tried

People see through my disguise

Don't understand me?

I'm not surprised at all.

Just like I'm not surprised when no one calls

At least there's nobody to hear me cry.

The good news is that I'm one of a kind,

The bad, the lonliness I always find

Creeping in on me, the silence can be deafening. 

Put the Beatles on and "Let it Be"

Get lost in music where I belong

Leave the thoughts on life to the world in a song,

Pieces of paper to be thrown away.

Yet I keep writing,

Page after page...

Dreaming that eventually,

Someone someday will hear all the things I have to say.

Out Of The Blue

Once upon a sleepless night,

Your smile brought me back to life

From wherever I'd been

Like some kind of Sleepless dream

You pulled me from a place so in between

Now I'm on the mend

Out of the blue 

I found myself wrapped up in you

All if a sudden I'm all butterflies and happy things.  

If I'm sleepin I can be sure you'll be there in my dreams

And when I'm awake you remind me what alive means

Lovin' your goofy grin.

Don't care if it's wrong 

Just passing time Til I'm in your arms again. 

My Life In A Song

Don't know if it's killing me or making me stronger.  

These days, my days keep getting longer,

But I'm still getting nothing done.

What do I expect from life?

To keep up, just for one.

How can I move forward when this chapter's just begun?

I may not like who I've been

Straight from the beginning, all the way to the end.

The girl I dreamed I'd be...

Isn't exactly who I've become.

Now I'm trying to believe that

After all the rain will come the sun.

I'd rather feel the pain than be numb.

Don't know what to do so I write it all down.

No one to listen, so the sounds bounce around in my head.

And Despite what I've always said,

I won't ever stop wishin' on stars. 

If light can travel that far,

I can find faith and press on.

At least the world will hold something of me when I'm gone.

My life in a song.

On the rim of my eye rests a tear.

On my shoulder's the weight of the world.

Being grown up isnt half I thought it would be

When I was just a little girl.

All I know I've learned stumbling stubbornly.

And each day, I'm not who I used to be. 

When the tears fall,

they get wiped away by no one at all.

Stand on the edge of the ocean.

Might as well sail off the edge of the Earth.

Find perspective....

Find a moment to hold.

A place to find shelter when the house of cards folds.

You need a new directive.

Surely life can be at least some of what you expected.

Feel

I may not like who I've been

From beginning to end

The girls I once dreamed  if being

Isn't exactly what I've become

With the wind I've changed

And after the rain will come the sun.

I'd rather feel the pain than be numb