Dissapointment

I’d be more than surprised if you
Every actually followed through

With anything to do with me 

Or for that matter to do with anybody but yourself.

My vision blurred with disappointment in it’s liquid form

Like on the day when I was born.

Except you loved me then.

I consider it a terrible sin to stop loving people you yourself made.

Lucky for you they don’t give a grade for motherhood

The one you’d earn would surely burn a perfectionist like you.

Do what you do,

They’ll all eventually see 

that because you’re skilled in saying what you’d like them to believe

It doesn’t make it true. 

If I believed everything you told me to,

I’m sure I’d be worse off than you 

And in a bigger world of hurt.  

Lower than low with my face in the dirt

Looking around hoping no one could see.

If what’s become of you in the end becomes of me,

I should just quit now.

Buy a one way ticket on the suicide line, get outta town. 

The roller coaster ride just wouldn’t be worth it

Just to end it all in a bottomless pit of dispair.

I wonder what things will be like without you there

Practically a waste of air... as bad as it sounds.

You act like you’re too old to come around,

but I think you’re just afraid.

Wish you’d think of all the sunny days 

You sat inside and prayed for rain,

While your kids just prayed and prayed for change or more.

Is it too much to ask for, for you just to try

So concerned with the clouds that you can’t see the sky

You were young once and dreamed you could fly,At least I hope.  

I grew up waiting to find you hanging from a rope

soul long gone.

Can’t you see, everything’s not that wrong

Not enough anyway, to become but a shell

And I’d bet anyday, that you’ll eventually be well

And Find happy too.

But if I took that wager,

I’d find myself in danger of being as crazy as you.

If your foot were in my shoe, 

What would you do

Going It Alone

So this is me going it alone.

Doing what needs to be done.
Fought and scratched my whole life through
Lost some but i won some too
But never thought I'd be so alone.
1000 miles away from home
But way too close to crazy
Fight it till it breaks me.

Go ahead, Eat your heart out... Have mine too.
It beats but I've no use for it.
Are you calling me a hypocrite,
Well then, youre a self righteous cunt.
Take a step inside my shoes
And feel the walls closing in
Chest spasming getting tight
Till you can't sleep at night
Now you don't eat either.
This isn't anything like a leave it to beaver life.

But instead, you selfish bitch
You should mine your p's and q's
So long as you know that i do what i do with no regard for you
You must have a mad high fever
Or have have you been crazy you're whole life through.

And what do you're expect me to do
Hard to get something from nothing.
The sound of your words starts to make my ears ring
And like you it will persist
In case you don't get the gist of what i say.
Get out of my face...

Epiphany Please

They say life's about the journey,

I say just get me where I need to be going and fast.

Send some peace my way at last.

Enough with faith and losing it,

Surrounded by hypocrytes,

And it's hit or miss for me.

Just want to get where I should be,

But I don't know what to do.

Muddled in a shade of blue.

Hoped for the future, 

But It's harder than they say.

It sucked me in,

The undertow threatens to carry me away

I can only hold my breath for so long.

Struggle to the surface,

Gasp for air.

Spent only a few seconds there

Before being pulled down again.

Think it might be easier to give in

Get lost in a sea of nothing.

Scared of the ghosts that need confronting,

Washed up on a beach called Mistake.

The irony in every step back that I take,

Is that all I want is to stay afloat.

Fighting the waters, trying not to choke.

It's all too much.

Built this one, one brick too high.

Tower topples from the sky

Good intentions with it.

Aspirations aside,

It was only spilled me, but I still cried

Then felt like a fool post tears.

Been rebuilding then tearing it all down again and again,

Now I don't believe all that I hear.

Just need something to believe in.

Storm cloud hovers where I'm standin'

Alone crying in the rain

Camouflaged tears don't reveal my pain .

Bridges burned, then left abandoned 

Tell myself there's hope left still

If it's making me stronger, 

Why do I feel like I'm being killed?

Enough, Enough I say.

Can't think about it all today,

But in my head there's no place to hide.

Suddenly swept away with the tide,

Despite the fact that I can swim. 

No paddle to propel this boat I'm in

So I'm stuck adrift in shit creek.

Can't make my way to what I seek,

Maybe it will come to me.

Life please send my epiphany.

Memory Box

Which one is yours

In a sky full of stars

We all need a place to aim wishes

When life gets hard

And lately it seems like I've been dealt

Everything but the right cards

So sometimes all I can do is cry.  

Some people cry and don't know why

But I've got enough reasons for us all.

Don't know how I dropped the ball again.

Don't know why I never win

It's just a losing game.

And every day I'm not the same

For the parts of me that slip away.

Tomorrow I'll be less than I am today,

Which mean things will only get harder.

Can you blame me if I play the martyr

When I've given all of myself and more?

And what the hell is this life for,

If the gaps in the misery are so few?

What's a girl like me to do,

To cure herself of all this sadness?

Please help before I'm driven to madness

Couldn't stand to be locked away.

Like a bird in a cage, stuck here to stay

Where I just don't belong.

Can't remember the words to my heart song

Can't remember who I used to be.

Pull out a box full of memories

Scraps of a life lived just partially

Empty space brings wistful dreams

Of happier days to come. 

Some battles lost, but surely be won

As long as I've got air in my lungs,

I'll know I"m still alive.

Right now just have to hold on and survive. 

If Not For Love

If for all the heartache

There is nothing

Broken dreams in pieces lay

If for all the trials, 

tribulation brings

For it we reap more dismay

If all the waiting for salvation

Just to wait another day

What for if not for love?

Do this game we still play?

If not for love